I just feel like I am trying so hard and something is holding me back. I just cant seem to figure out what that is (other than the obvious health struggles). I want to move on, I want to reach my goals. I want to get somewhere.
I could even relate the racing of the person in the other lane to my life right now, though I probably shouldn't. Whenever I get sick for long periods of time...I usually get the feeling of being left in the dust. People are getting married, people are graduating and having careers, people are going on missions, and getting back from missions, and people are just plain having fun. I want to start accomplishing what I've set out to do. I hate not being able to do anything of significance. I've been filling the past few weeks with knitting squares to make blankets out of to donate, and doing indexing...and while those things are good, I want to do more. Sometimes its hard to accept the Lord's timing.
I start my new job tomorrow and am really praying my brains out for a miracle...or many little ones. I still don't feel like I can make it through an 8 hour shift...never mind another one the next day, and the next day, and more next week, and the week after. I've felt like Heavenly Father has made things happen the way he has for a reason with this job opportunity, so I am just trying to trust that it will work out. I'm going to try. That's all I can do, I guess. Here goes...
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