Becoming a stripling warrior!

I've joined this challenge to become a modern day "stripling warrior". I think the challenge is fitting, as it combines both spiritual and physical strength (read a chapter of scripture, exercise according to the number of verses), both of which the Stripling warriors possessed.

I particularly love this idea because of the battles I have faced in my own life with my health. I have definitely found that when my physical health wavers my spiritual "health" often follows in some degree or another. It is so inter-connected. While I dont have complete control over my physical health with the illness I struggle with, exercise (no matter how little, as sometimes I can hardly do a thing) is so important for health.

I have been focusing a lot on getting my scripture study more meaningful and consistent the past little while, and so when my friend told me about this challenge he created I was excited to add more to it. I am looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish both physically and spiritually. I am also hoping to be back at work come october and I think the exercises will help prepare me for that, as there is a large physical component to the work I do.

I am in 3 Nephi chapter 19 today, and there is 36 verses. I am starting with upper body day, so that means 36 push ups. Now- I am starting from ground zero, I have done next to no exercise for years, most especially the past 6 months as I got in a major car accident and my health took a dive. So I think I am going to have to be careful what I do because of my unique challenges, but I'm excited to see what I can  accomplish.

So I started my push-ups this morning, and I wanted to know how many I could do straight in a row right now so I just went at it. I got 15 done. Then I took a break and thought maybe I could push through the rest but only got 5 more. I think the rest will have to wait for a long long break....later this evening haha. But hey 15 shaky push-ups (real ones-though I cant brag about my form) is pretty good for this little weakling!

I'm excited to make my scripture study more meaningful and have more goals to work toward. Its been a difficult past 7 months or so since the accident, I've been off work and not able to do much. Life gets hard when you have too much time to think about your own problems and aren't out working and serving others, so I am excited to have a new goal and purpose.

Join us in the challenge, the creator of this is hoping to get 2000 people participating. I think that would be so cool. Go to the site and check it out!!

2 months

Its 6am and i  cant sleep... i woke up around 4:30 to go to the bathroom and cant get back to sleep. Rawr. Why not blog?
Well yesterday was the two month mark being on the elimination diet. I was originally told that I would need to do it for two months and then slowly one by one start adding foods back into my life, and if there is no adverse reaction than I can keep eating it. Well the point the diet is to get rid of symptoms so that when you add a food back in you can tell if it was a problem or not. Sadly my symptoms have not improved. So at my over-the-phone follow up appointment (with someone different than my initial appointment) I asked her if I should keep eating the total elimination diet or add foods even though there's been no real change... she said to start adding foods, 'maybe you'll just have to see what makes you feel better I guess'.

As much as I would really love to start eating more things again...that just doesn't make sense to me considering the point of the diet and the desired outcome of healing and finding out what foods don't agree with me and are making things worse. So I'm not sure what I want to do. I really don't want the past two months to be for nothing if I start adding foods in and ruin it. It hasnt been a walk in the park to keep this "diet" up 100%. That's what its had to be. Absolutely perfect or it wouldn't work. I'm so proud of myself that I have done that. Maybe its easy for some people but for me its a big test of self control daily. So anyway maybe I'm still eating something that is bugging my guts? Maybe I'll start cutting even more things out to see. Its hard to imagine cutting more out though...I alredy can't eat anything. Blah.

So in the meantime of being off work I decided to take up crocheting. I started watching tutorials online a few days ago, bought myself a hook and started practicing on some yarn we had laying around. I plan to make myslef some slippers and a blanket!

Having an emo day

Being ill has opened my eyes to how much we take for granted. Little things that one could normally do and not even bat an eye take a lot of my energy...going up 8 stairs, carrying 5-10 pounds from one room to another, standing stirring dinner for more than 2 minutes, cutting an onion, squatting to dig a few holes in the garden, going bowling, going for a liesurely walk around the block, grocery shopping for a few things, vacuuming one little room, going to church for three hours...I could go on.
I can do one of these things and be dead for a few hours or even the rest of the day lately. It still amazes me sometimes how weak I am. I can't wait to get better.I want to run and play and hike and bike and swim and act my age.
My best friends left on a cruise today, I had planned to go with them...then I got in a car accident. I'm sick of not being able to live.

Things

Things about my disease:

-I wish my disease wasn't so embarrassing...embarrassing to live and embarrassing to talk about.
-I wish I could pin point what makes it worse...I can never tell if a virus makes it worse...or something I ate or stress or if it just plain happens
-when I do get worse people always say oh you're having a "flare-up" ...truth is I have been in a flare for 5 years...sometimes it just gets even worse
-I feel like an empty shell wandering around and I lost myself a few years back. I want to be me again and I feel sad thinking that many people (that haven't known me long) dont know me, they know what I seem to be right now
-I want it to go away now...

Things I WILL do WHEN I get better:
-play rugby...like an actual game. Club rugby if I have to.
-go back to just-for-fun ballroom dance class
-do as many hikes as I please in waterton
-play in all the random things that ysa do...soccer, softball, fugitive, etc
-work like a normal human being
-get married (hah)

I could go on but those are what come to mind at the moment.

One month down

Well friends, I've made it a month exactly on this super restrictive "diet". I hate using that word because it has the wrong connotation for me. Definitely not trying to lose weight. But anyways...

I have made it one month, and you know what? Its getting easier. The first week started out alright. I felt like it wouldn't be horrible. Then the next week to two weeks I was going a bit insane. I just wanted to eat everything that I shouldn't. I didn't give in though. I have been perfect the whole time and thats actually a pretty big accomplishment for me. I didn't think the cravings would settle down in those two hard weeks, but they are...its still super annoying not to be able to just eat something without a lot of thought and preparation or else eating plain raw veggies all day....but its ok. I still just want to eat a gluten free pizza among a million other things that I used to be able to but its not feeling like my life is over anymore hahaha. Sounds pathetic but I dare you to eat the way I am and tell me you dont feel the same way.

Now the crappy thing is I haven't felt any better yet. In fact I got worse, way worse. I dont know if I am having sugar withdrawal (hah) or if it just happened to coincide with starting this diet but I got super sick about a week after I began this program. I was already super worn down before beginning so I think its just my life but yeah....super sick. Lost 10 pounds. Didn't have 10 pounds to lose. I currently look anorexic and weigh 95 pounds. Gr. I really really really hope this program starts working wonders for me soon or I just might cry.

But hey...If nothing else I'm learning to have a lot more self control again.

So they originally said I need to eat this way for 2 months then introduce one thing at a time and if it doesn't cause problems I can keep eating it....but seeing as its been a month and I'm still dying....it could be longer. Bah. Could be worse right?

cravings

Well I'm only two weeks into my new diet which I have to keep up for 2 months (at least, could be longer) and I'm already going nuts. The first week was ok, I thought: I can do this, it wont be so bad. Well I am eating my words now. I just want bacon....and dill pickles....and salsa....and eggs...and potato chips.....and sugar....and bread....anything normal.

They say the cravings usually go away within a couple weeks. I'm starting on week three and they haven't gone anywhere yet. It would be easier if I could have soy, and bread with yeast, and peppers and tomatos and potatoes. And you know, everything I cant have. But those ones are the kickers. My body just keeps looking for something else even though I've eaten enough. It doesn't help that I'm ill so I cant keep myself busy because I dont have any energy to do anything other than sit around.

It would also make it a lot easier if I could start seeing results in my health now. Yeah that would be swell.

Anyway my best friends have become rice cakes and fruit. Woohoo. At least is fruit season though!

Brave girls letter

Yesterday's daily email from the Brave Girls Club: sometimes i think they know me.

Dear Terrific Girl,
Sometimes the things that are tugging at our hearts come with strings attached that feel too risky, too difficult, to scary to follow.
Sometimes we keep doing the same things day after day, even though we are treading AGAINST the water, even though we really want to be doing something else, even though we want to be somewhere else or with someone else, even though all signs point to a totally different direction.
You know what you are supposed to do, lovely...you know the answer. Your intuition has been telling you for SUCH a long time, and every day that goes by, the little messages keep getting stronger, the miracles keep showing up, the signs keep appearing....in ways that you can not deny.
It doesn't matter if your path is not a common one. It doesn't matter if some people will not understand...sometimes it doesn't even matter whether WE understand all of it. What matters is that you follow YOUR heart...that you listen to YOUR soul....that you do what YOU are meant to do.
That's what matters. Now, get busy....you know what to do.
You are so loved.
xoxo