Faltering

You know whats annoying and discouraging? When you know you are wavering or faltering in something, and you know what you need to do (to some degree at least), but you just cant seem to "just do it". Thats me right now. Half of me has big plans, big dreams, big hope and faith, wants to do all those little things that will make the big things happen....then the other half of me seems to just be running in the opposite direction. Like the harder I try and the more I want something, the harder it is to keep going. I cant figure out how to get over whatever is pulling me down and just do it. Every time I feel like I'm getting past it and getting somewhere...then this happens...I falter.

Sigh...on I go.

PS Here's a quote from my stake presidents mouth from a meeting with him last week. "You aren't giving up are you?" I said no, but it might not have been very convincing. To myself or him.

PPS I just realized how the first PS may have made this post seem to you, you made read into this post in an entirely incorrect way....but whatever, I like vauge ramblings sometimes.

PPPS my appointment with my specialist for my mission stuff isnt until January 24th....so I've got a while to wait.