contemplations

So looking back its been a little confusing why things are happening the way they are. I have puzzled over why I felt so strongly just over a year ago that I should serve a mission, and that I should get started on that right away just to be postponed. But as I was thinking about it...I think that if Heavenly Father hadn't urged me on to serving a mission that I may not have ever done it (which sounds bad but I'll explain). I don't know if I've mentioned this- but my patriarchal blessing says that I will serve a mission. And I prayed about it a year ago and really felt that it meant now, not as a senior couple liked I hoped would be the case all my teen years. So when I was told I might not be able to, that really shook me a bit...I questioned whether I misunderstood my promptings or something. But when I got my patriarchal blessing I was 16 years old I think. And whenever I read the part that said I would serve a mission...I always just hoped it meant as a senior couple...the thought of serving a mission terrified shy little me and I didn't think I could do it and didn't want to think about it...so I would always just not think about it too much in my teens and hope it meant later in life. So I think a reason why I felt so strongly I needed to get going on a mission when I did, was so that I would in the near future, and not put it off. I'm not sure if that's the only reason, but I think that could be part of it. If nothing else I have grown so much spiritually in the past year its amazing. I feel like my heart has grown 10 sizes like the grinch's did in the movie the grinch, and that its bursting haha! Trials really are blessings. I feel that I will still be called to serve a full time mission, so I'm still working toward that. I feel like I am still being prepared for that. So unless I am guided in another direction I am going to keep working toward serving a full time mission. I don't know much, but I do know God is over all, so I trust things will work out for my good.